10pm In Deep Thought

Guard up

Guard down

You’ve become somewhat of a trigger now

I reminisce and get anxiety 

I find your letters and dissociate quietly

Always too hesitant to leave

But dumb enough to fall laterally

Shit like that is the reason I need therapy

Lack of security leaves defenses low

Left with paper machete doors with glorified holes

That’s how toxic relationships work as far as collateral damage goes

New hair, changes with seasons

A new identity for fake ass reasons 

A connection to mourn only left me grieving 

Tried to peel off the scars

Cauterized and salted every wound

I didn’t know feelings left untreated would leave lesions too

Now I’m working on repurposing the fence

Intent to set new insulation inside hollow walls

Rebuilding up a fortified guard with brick

That way it’s sure to take us both out the next time it falls.

{Picture courtesy of Lost In Thought by Leslie Donofrio}

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